I found myself watching the NBA playoffs, specifically the Lakers-Mavericks game, and I literally wanted to undergo a psychological evaluation after watching this game. I wonder if the NBA is competing with the MLS to see who can drop their viewer ratings lower.
It was at some point in the 4th quarter, I would estimate about seven minutes left and the Mavericks were finally putting an end to the Lakers terrific exhibition of underachievement, or reaffirmation of quality NBA basketball, when Jose Barea was driving untouched into the lane, and Andrew Bynum decided to attempt to give a congratulatory gesture to Barea, with his elbow. An unaware Barea, failed to recognize this, and Bynum's elbow landed in the throat/upper chest area of Barea's body - who is a small guy. Apparently there were occasions where Barea would leave the Mavs locker room, and he was not able to get back in, because security didn't recognize him as being a player for the Mavericks. The guy is an NBA player. I guess even the security members realize how much the NBA sucks, because clearly, they don't know jack about the team that they work for; can't even bother to watch the games, or follow the team at all.
In any event, Bynum's elbow connects with Barea's body, as he is in the air, and Barea goes crashing to the floor. He's on the ground and smiling. Well no, he was either smiling or in extreme pain, but to me, there wasn't enough visual evidence for me to distinguish what kind of face he was making. I wish to say that he was smiling, on the inside, because Andrew Bynum is a jackass. His mind could have been saying "Andrew...you make me laugh because you are losing. You are the defending champs and we are smoking you. God, you are such a twat."
All probability points to the obvious - the guy was in pain. He hit the floor and remained there for a few seconds, or maybe a minute, possibly pulling a move fit for soccer, where a guy trips over a blade of grass and acts as though someone just snipped his achilles tendon with a pair of scissors.
Mike Tirico forgoes all rational inclination and starts talking about Bynum's actions in a highly negative fashion: "That was disgusting...that was the most disgusting display of, non-sportsman-like aggression...I've never seen anything this disgusting...there goes Phil Jackson's reputation, its over, and the Bus families'...he should probably kill himself in the locker room."
I'll admit the last portion was embellished, but I get the point: he should not have thrown an elbow into Jose Barea. He kept going on, and on, and droning on, and commentating about how disgusting it was. Seriously? Did you actually see the play? or were watching old highlights of Ron Artest and Stephen Jackson in Auburn Hills. If you had not seen the play, and then heard Mike Tirico, you would have guessed that Andrew Bynum dropped Jose Barea, and then ran into the stands and stabbed a fan.
Rarely do I ever tune into any NBA game other than ones featuring the Bulls, and Mike Tirico had to fuck it. There was no moment of clarity. You could not have done a worse job. No. I take that back, you could have said 'disgusting' 6 more times, after you had already said it 17 times before that. Maybe you could have started screaming, and then your head could have exploded, something right out of Raiders of the Lost Ark. That would have been great.
I sincerely wish you had taken your Valium, and not had a verbal aneurysm on National TV, that probably caused NBA ratings to drop even lower then they already are.
And also that Ron Artest could have punched you in the throat before the game.
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